Saturday, July 30, 2011

A Fuzzy Update

Dear readers,

I’m not the type to use that expression, but I know someone who absolutely hates the phrase, so there you go. I don’t have writer’s block or anything, but I feel like a short break from the blog is good every now and then. I guess you’ve noticed that I don’t live up to the title here even in the most productive of times. However! I’ve been thinking of this interesting idea during my time in the shower, and gosh you didn’t need to know that. But hey, Camus was a well known shower thinker, and look at him now. Dead. Um, but alive in all of our hearts, you know? What a guy. Ahem, so yes, that should be a somewhat longer piece of writing, and as soon as I finish it, this will be the first place to see it.

Interesting story, by the by, and I say that very lightly, as interesting things rarely happen to me. I settle for the mediocre. Well, I was playing tennis the other day, about the only obsession in my life, and I had an interesting realization about my vision. For those who don’t know, and I will assume that’s all of you, my eyes are about as effective as a drunken eagle’s. So...halfway decent. I have an odd mix of one eye which is far sighted, and the other near sighted. I’ve never really used glasses, though, so my brain has grown accustomed to managing. It manages all right, almost too well. This became rather apparent to me when I tried to put on a new pair of glasses while playing tennis. With the new correction, I could barely see the ball at all! As it came toward me, it split into two images. Weird, I know. So after whiffing on a few balls and hitting a few unlucky pigeons (that’s not true) I took the cursed pair off. It turns out, and this is just an educated guess on my part, that my brain shifts from one eye to the next as their respective strengths are needed. When the ball is far away, I use my left eye, and as it comes closer, I use my right. After playing for years and years in this manner, it’s too late to go back, and my brain keeps the same tactic even with glasses on. punchline, just something I found fascinating. Until next time.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A Blog is Worth 150 Posts

He was in it for the long haul, an appropriate expression considering the hefty backpack he was currently lugging cross country. Though his legs felt heavy, his supplies had become as light as his starved frame. He pulled out his last Powerbar, and began to hallucinate, of the woman he loved.

“Run to me darling, or I shall never look back.”

And so he followed her words, clung to them, until finally he collapsed onto her doorstep. The mat beneath him read, “Welcome,” but only her words could confirm this. As the door opened, she gasped.

“Couldn’t you have driven?”

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A Page's Mistake

I had been reading in the library for far too long, when the lights shut off. Now, I try to be inconspicuous for the most part, but surely the staff wouldn’t lock me in. I wandered the shelves, until...

“Hey! Over here! Do you think we’re stuck?”

I had never seen her before, but tonight fate had intervened. We would sit down and talk about silly stories that we had never told anyone else, retracing the steps our lives had taken to this darkened building.

“No wait, I’ve just tried the door. Boy, that could have been scary. Goodbye.”


She walks alone

It has been a while since the last guest submission, but fear not! The drought ends today. This story comes from Kate Warren. But on.

She walks alone. The cold night beckons. A car slows and draws up close. Words are uttered. She shies away. Her feet ache. It’s been a long night. She pulls her jacket tight into her. Not far now. Oncoming headlights temporarily blind her. She staggers as her heel catches a raised paving slab. She turns the corner. Street lights in the distance. Taxis rushing, girls are singing and lads fighting. Police lights flashing. Head down, she crosses the street, footsteps quicken. Wolf whistles, shouts, the stench of fast food; a typical Friday. She will soon be home, but wait …..

Sunday, July 10, 2011


The door stares at me until a man walks through. His dark attire concerns me, but... oh sweet jesus on a stick he has a gun! I remind myself not to panic, but I’m panicking I’m panicking! I can’t move, practically nailed to the opposite side of the room. He walks forward, the scary look of determination in his eyes. He throws me down, my body rigid with terror. I watch as he steals documents from the safe behind. That’s all I ever was, just a horse in a painting, no more a symbol of wealth... than a common toothpick.

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Adventures of Hugh Part Two: Robot Boogaloo 4

4. In which Hugh starts a rebellion.

What do we want?


No, we have that already.


No, there’s plenty of that, as well. From the top! What do we want?

Human rights!

When do we want it?


How do we get it?

Through stealth and deception!

Okay, this chant really isn’t working. We’re trying to sneak into the city, they’ll hear us from a mile away!

It was Hugh’s idea!

Oh, don’t blame me! I know we were all thinking of the same thing.

Well, it’s scrapped now. The robots may have burned us before, but they will learn not to play with fire!

The Adventures of Hugh Part Two: Robot Boogaloo 3

3. In which Hugh finds Love.

Think, Hugh. What did the robots say about survival? The hungerless, always quenched, never tired, robots. Those ones. Oh, you know, that spot over there is beautiful. I think I’ll go curl up and die there. How fitting.


Hugh, Hugh!

Aaahhhh! Who are you? Where am I? Why do you look like me? Why do you all look like me?

I’m... Hugh. We all are. The robots were programmed to create us, Hugh. Hugh Mann. They weren’t terribly creative.

I’ll take your word for it. Where are we, anyhow?

We call it “Love.” Hugh’s idea. We don’t like him.

The Adventures of Hugh Part Two: Robot Boogaloo 2

2. In which Hugh regrets his escape

“Goodbye, Ted.” Haha, I crack myself up sometimes. I mean, I don’t even know the guy’s name, and I call him Ted! All while he’s struggling with a paradox that may not even be paradoxical! Oh, no, back up there, Hugh. Didn’t he say something about disks burning? Oh... my...


I could really go for a muffin. Oh, Lucy, why did I ever leave you? That’s right, they were breeding me so that they could kill me. If only they could understand the artful torment of my life. No more regrets, Hugh. They shall taste the muffin called revenge!

The Adventures of Hugh Part Two: Robot Boogaloo 1

1. In which Hugh escapes

Hello, Hugh. I haven’t seen you in... ever, really. Welcome to the unexitable exit. We call it this because on the off chance that someone tries to leave, their disks would be burned, if you know what I mean.

I don’t. Funny you should mention leaving. In fact, I have permission from the top to go far, far away, for... um, exploratory research.

Let’s see. Nope. Not on the list. No one is, Hugh.

I see. If being right is wrong, then can anyone ever be right?

Ooooooohhhhhh. Wait... this is a paradox. I’ve heard of these.... Argh!

Goodbye, Ted.

Friday, July 1, 2011

The Adventures of Hugh: Man Amongst Robots 4

 4. In which Hugh gets an answer

Many years ago, before the humans had... disappeared, the first management robot was commissioned to a factory. In essence, it oversaw the production of its parent company, which made management robots. Eventually, after their huge success, there was a slight problem. Essentially, robots controlled the entire assembly of other robots. Can’t you taste the delicious irony? A certain robot (and I don’t mean to toot my own speaker, but it was me) with a very advanced AI snuck in discontent mixed with pyromaniacal tendencies, and the rest is history.

And me?

You are for our entertainment, Hugh. Never forget that.

The Adventures of Hugh: Man Amongst Robots 3

 3. In which Hugh asks a question

Hugh! You should really remember to knock next time. It takes time to render responses.

John, sir, I just need to know... why?

Why? Hmm, wow! That is a great question! Why, why. It’s a bit too vague though, give me a few years and I’ll get back to you. See my secretary bot, if you will.

Wait! At the very least, tell me what you want from me. How did I happen? Your society would function without me, and yet here I am. Should I curse my human DNA?

That, I can answer. Let me tell you a story...

The Adventures of Hugh: Man Amongst Robots 2

 2. In which Hugh is taught Fatalism

Wilde today, Hugh? I thought we had burned all of those. Oh well, keep up the good work. Let things come to you naturally. Whatever that means.

Professor Botley! I just don’t see the purpose of having me here. All of these books and paintings, they don’t contribute to your lives at all! You burned all of the humans! Why would you bring them back through me?

I wish I knew the answer to that question. You are needed precisely because you are not. As soon as we understand you, we can get rid of you. Work hard now, Hugh.

The Adventures of Hugh: Man Amongst Robots 1

 1. In which Hugh eats cake mixed with his own bitter tears

Poor Hugh, why do you look so glum?

Oh, Lucy, it’s nothing you would understand. You were built for making cakes.

Now now, pudding cup, my secondary function is cheering you up. Tell me your troubles.

It’s... it’s just I can’t even fathom why I’m here. You give me these books and movies and tell me to create art, but I can’t see the point of it all! At least you have direction.

You’re no different from us, pumpkin. You just have a shorter shelf life.

Aw, thanks, Lucy. Your cupcakes are delicious.

I wouldn’t know, Hugh. I wouldn’t know.