Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I did not intend to write this. It just...happened, okay?

Moew, said the cat, although it would be incorrect to say that it said anything really, as cats do not have the capacity to speak at all, which isn't really true, but if you look at speaking in the context of human abilities then you would understand my point, a point which really had no relevance to the story at all, the story of the cat speaking, meowing, whatever, you know what, just shut up okay I don't really want to talk about it my day hasn't been so hot I mean here I am talking about a talking cat.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Sanguinolent Tides

Wow, the water is red!

Ah, you’re right. Do you know the story behind this bloody tide? Come closer.  Long ago, a man proposed to his beloved here. Such happiness. Yet, no love is perfect, and soon the woman strayed. The man, enraged, brought her here again. Blinded by anger, he lifted a knife, only to have another plunged into his back by the woman. Even now, his blood flows through these waters, eternally betrayed.

What a fascinating story. Although, you could have just said it was an algal bloom.

Remind me never to take you to the beach, okay?

Thursday, November 3, 2011


Son, having a conversation is like playing a game of chess.

It’s your move.

You need to plan ahead, speaking and listening before either has taken place. You need to know what they will say before you ever give them the chance to say it. It is an art, son, an art.

And? It’s still your move.

And? And what?

And what if they don’t say what you want them to say?

In that case, you should stare blankly at them for 10 minutes, thinking of your next move. In both scenarios, your partners like to walk away.

Check mate.