Monday, February 28, 2011

Have You Ever Been 2 Electric Lady Land?

Another day, another submission, another cryptic intro. Cryptic? What could that mean? Anywho, this submission is by Joe. Hey, that's not right, it's Diego! You must, must frequent his blog here!

The bathroom stall door asked, in bold, permanent marker strokes, if I had ever been to Electric Ladyland. A query to which my only reply was a disappointed “no”. Briefly, as I sat, pondering and conjuring, I imagined what such a place would consist of. Deep within my own head, I envisioned a magnificent set of hilly lady legs, adorned with flashing colored lights, like carnival rides rising in the distant darkness.

Later, upon relating these visions, a good friend would call me stupid, expressing grave concern over my ignorance of a certain Experience administered by one Jimi Hendrix.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Power Nap

Despite having landed on a planet of questionable safety, Captain Oscar Luminaire’s only urge was that of sleep. Our intrepid hero had arrived at Planet Z, home of the feared Nappa Rays, capable of disabling foes with a paralyzing slumber. Crashing through the atmosphere at mach speeds, Oscar had finally succumbed to the darkness.

He had woken up with a yawn. Tired, groggy, and with a vague sense of lack of accomplishment, Luminaire fought his way to a standing position.
However, soon enough he felt better, wonderful even! How refreshing. He would not regret his trip to Resort Planet Z.

Friday, February 25, 2011


Subjected to the injustice of the masses. The proverbial butt of every joke, without the poetic verbiage normally found in such proverbs. No longer! The ignorance of the majority would henceforth be deemed invalid, a relic of a democratic past. The vote was historic, an event televised by even the home shopping networks. Proceedings were covered in the odors of bribery and corruption, but for the first time in the eyes of the public, the end really did justify the means. If passed, the bill would incorporate minority rule.

A unanimous decision, which left everyone unsure of what to do...

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Small Talk

How was your day?


Good? Is that all you can say? How am I supposed to extract any semblance of context from such an ambiguous word as “good?”

I’m not sure. Perhaps the context you so desperately strive for that I was trying to convey was my general disinterest in starting conversation with the likes of you.

Well. I’m starting to seriously doubt your general character, as it was an obvious lie which you so hastily spit at me. Surely your day couldn’t have been that great to elicit such a vitriolic response.

Good day, sir.

Good day, indeed.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Made with Smiles and Unbleached Enriched Wheat Flour

It’s been a while since I’ve considered Goldfish crackers as belonging in a soup of some sort, and yet, I still eat them from a bowl. This is probably the worst moment to think such thoughts, but please withhold judgment. Are these ponderings so base, so revolting as to be on the receiving end of hushed disapproval? Is it so wrong that the now labeled “snack crackers” were originally intended for my clam chowder? My worst fear is that their smiling faces will pop up when asked of “my biggest weakness” in an interview. We all must face our fears.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Rain Check

Something about the way the rain fell onto his windowpane pained him. Drop. Drop. Drop. He waited for another drop, but they held back in mocking hesitation. Every pause, every break in the rhythmic patter irked him. Now it was all he could focus on, just the beat of water upon glass. No other noise could compete with that loathsome deluge. With his ears straining, focus was lost on any productive activity he may or may not have been accomplishing. Concentrate, he thought, but the thought of his lost resolve only distracted further from his essay on the water cycle.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Narrator, Orator

The captain set foot onto new land. The land itself was not new, as it was a product of millions of years of geological forces, but rather new in the eyes of the observer. Also, the captain did not only use one foot to hoist himself from ship to ground, but instead jumped off with a neat and tidy hop.

He then surveyed his surroundings. He did not question his surroundings, for that would be silly, and he was in no way surrounded in the sense that he was cornered or otherwise disadvantaged.

“Would you shut up?” said the captain.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Organic Love

I heart you, said the boy to the girl. The girl, visibly offended, frowned almost audibly, although the motives for her offense were less than apparent. She couldn’t handle being passive aggressive any longer, and burst into a violent tirade against the now shaken boy. (visibly shaking, I should add)

“You heart me? Let me allow that sentence to sink in. Do you really believe, in your heart of hearts, that the heart has any other function than pumping blood to your pitiful brain? I don’t heart you, I would rather brain you!”

And so they lived happily ever after.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Plot Hole

A sailor went to sea, to see what he could see, but all that he could see, was nothing of terrible importance. This, of course, should have been the end to this NyQuil substitute of a tale, but suddenly, a plot appeared! The sailor, with the one eye still open, spotted an inter-dimensional, pan-epochal space-time rift. He immediately paddled forth, apparently without a sail. Soon enough, he reached the portal and was vacuumed into a new setting. He gasped, relieved to at least be alive and in one piece. Yet all that he could see, was nothing of terrible importance.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Another Fruitful Conversation

“Wait!” cried the tree. “That is not all I have to say. Please do not abandon me so soon.”

The girl, having run off, did not hear the distraught plant. She continued frolicking through the forest. Her thoughts drifted back to her conversation with the tree. How could it speak with no brain, or less importantly, no mouth? Curious, she went back to investigate.

“Oh! You’re back. Wonderful. Wonderful. How am I speaking? Well, it’s rather complicated, and I don’t have much time.”

“Why not?”

“Hum. I don’t know. It’s as if I’m confined to an arbitrary word limit. How...”