Hoho, you’ve come to the right man. But don’t think you’ve reached your destination by coming here. Changing your name requires a lot more than a past to run away from and subscription to Teen Vogue. Namely paperwork, paperwork, and...ahem...payment discussions. Did you see what I said there? Namely! Hoho, it’s a joke, stop frowning, boy. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, I changed my name when I was just a lad of 25. I’ll get you a new handle or my name isn’t Eustace Cornballer!
Not anymore! Now stop making that face, and sign here.