As a line enthusiast, I travel to the ends of the Earth to find rare lines. Of course, I have nothing but contempt for that phrase. Lines have no ends, and the Earth has been quite disappointing in my search for that eternal straight. It is fiercely embarrassing to admit this, but my early travails were a comedy of grievous errors. Gibraltar, Gibraltar, that accursed rock was all that met my conical periphery. I am banned from the lands that surround the Bosporus. And the Prime Meridian? Certainly a prime spot for bitterness and defeat. My life, a graphic tragedy.