Killing time for the rest of us

He was more storied than the Empire State Building, which was largely unimpressive due to his short stature, and the fact that he really only had one story to tell. Of course, he spared his audience of such introductions, much to the relief of his restaurant's patrons. They preferred him to tell it as soon as possible. “I once knew a security guard,” he began, “who had a peculiar device. It was a wristwatch without any numbers. I asked him, ‘Couldn’t a thief steal something if you misjudge your shift?’ His reply? ‘Not on my watch!’” Repeat customers were few, thankfully.